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Conflict

April 1, 2007

昨夜,我们又在次讨论同样的问题。他一直认为现在还年轻,应该乘这个机会进修,为自己的将来多加打算。我认为如果我不打算一辈子待在那一行,为什么要拿,为什么要花费力气、时间和金钱?我们的讨论还是达不到共识,还是没有结论。
他问:我们算不算吵架啦?
我答:应该还不算吧~只是意见不相同。
他说服不了我,我也说服不了他。
两个人对此事的看法不一样,抱着不同的理想吧~

他认为我过得太悠闲,没进取心。我认为我的生活过得充实,享受现在有点悠闲的日子。
他认为我浪费时间,应用来深造。我认为我放工后,应用这些时间做自己喜欢的东西。
他认为我没上进心,不为将来打算。我认为我可以选择我要过得日子,我有自己的目标。
其实,我觉得这是个人的选择,我自己要走的路。我可以自己决定我想要的东西。
他也许认为我没有野心,没有上进心,可是那些不是我想要的。
不知道是否我应该工作到没天没底、永远不见到早上的太阳,那样的我才算有上进心,充分为将来打拼?还是我应该每一天都在上班后,到补习中心念书,才算有出息吗?
他说应该把债务还清,不要在那里工作,出来找另外一份工作。
可是,你可知道如果真的是那样,我的日子要如何过?每一个月,剩下的薪水,少得可怜。我吃空气吗?再来,我不想过24/7都在工作的日子。
你说这不是什么大问题,可以有解决方案的。可是,解决方案是什么?去借另外一笔钱来还债,背负另外的债务吗?这样就比较有野心和决心吗?说真的,我看不到这有什么好。
我觉得你看不起我的工作,认为待在里头没有出息。(这点,我绝对赞同 – 我的工作的确没有多大的出息,不是长久让我待的地方)。 可是,可不可以试着从我的角度看看问题?
家庭背景也许造成两个人有不同的想法,不同的观点。这是无可避免的事情。你认为你的考量是对的,那么你就朝那个方向去,我不会反对。但是,我也有我自己的观点和考量。我可以听听你的意见,但不一定要照着你的方法做事。我的家庭环境是这样。自己想要的东西,自己争取。想要出国念书?行,自己有本事就自己申请奖学金,出国念书呀。(啊~离题了~)
人就是有不同的意见啊~总不能永远要别人跟着自己的方式跑。
如果我觉得你的看法我能认同,我会试着改变。可是,若我认为我的方式没有什么不好,那么我又何必为了取悦你而改变?一些事情,可以妥协;一些事情,不能妥协。

Again, we discussed on whether to take the papers and wat career paths should I have (in the future). And yet, no conclusion was made during tat discussion. Instead, some different opinions were generated….and made things even more complicated now. He thought that I should have been more aggressive instead of being so passive while I’m still young and energytic (which I dun really agree…I’m not as energytic as before….) Anyhow, after some long discussion, we still cant reach a consensus on this topic….[He asked: Are we quarrelling? I said: Not really….consider it as a debate???] We have different views on things and how things should have been done. (which is quite normal, right?? 2 different person cant actually have totally same opinions all time…)

FOr now, I think my life is just fine.
HOwever, from his perspective, I’m just too free after working hours. (did I mention b4….I seldom work later than 6pm?) And I should have studied something or at least learn something that are “value-added”  and improve myself. Well, true enough….One should keep learning in order to obtain better lifestyle, or keep improving…But, I think Im kinda satisfied with current state(for the time being). And, after work, it’s quite tiring. I need some time for my own activities. I would like to cook, like to clean the house, like to watch some movies and others.

Sometimes, I was thinking whether I should work till no day no night, and never have a chance to see the sun (coz always working n working in the office, barely see the sun…..) Or should I always work OT until I have no time for my ownself.  I guess, Im not this type of hardworking ppl? Or I am not aiming to become a corporate lady and climb up through the corporate stairs..Perhaps, I’m not ambitious enough. Perhaps, I’m too passive compare with you. Perhaps, I just got my way of doing things……

Finally, we decided….we should leave this topic alone. I can have my own way of doing things coz this is my life. He can have his own way, and I will remain my own as I see fit. No body can choose the path for you, or to decide everything for you. There are things that can be tolerated, but there are also things cant be tolerated. So, let it be…..Conflict is not solved, but resolved??

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5 comments

  1. 嗨,我是从jen那里闯进你的《兔子小窝》的。请原谅我的不请自进。
    看了你这篇文章,虽然不知你投入什么工作,也不知你所谓的《他》
    是谁,更不用说你们又怎样的相处方式。。。

    但是,我依然认同你… …个人的选择,要走就走自己的路… …
    我认为人生的路就是不断地在《抉择》中慢慢去认识和了解,
    要做就做自己目前认为最好的决定。
    有人说过所谓:“尝试再尝试。”
    加油吧!活出美丽的自己!呵呵!


  2. Hei 严民 …welcome to my blog;)

    Thanks for your advice….actually, I already made my decision….and I will choose the way I want my life to be…

    Hope you also can have a nice life there….


  3. Wut conflict u hv ah? Dun understand ah..:)


  4. 谢谢你!往后生活多美好,我不知。唯有不断尝试再尝试咯!年轻就是本钱嘛!呵呵!
    互相在不同的时空打气打气啦!哈哈。。。


  5. Senior,
    i tried my best to put them in English ….haha~
    & hope u r fine over there;)

    严民,
    Thanks thanks…read ur blog on 矛盾….find it quite true…everything is about choosing, selecting…whether u got ur right choice not…;)
    Gambatte to you as well~



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